


Harley's Magikal Mystery Tour

by dhapin



Category: Avengers (Comics), Batman (Comics), Harley Quinn (Comics), Loki: Agent of Asgard, New Mutants (Comics), Thor (Comics), X-Men (Comicverse)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-12
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-10-14 23:36:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20609207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dhapin/pseuds/dhapin
Summary: LordGrise got a bit of a wild idea in that he wanted to write a Harley Quinn story involving her taking a tour of the Marvel universe, but one that was rather… call it adultish.  Suffice it to say many a wicked text was exchanged and a story was born.  And no, I don’t really know where this story is going, but I think it will be a fun ride.I don't think it will get too graphic, but likely very naughty.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [alcimines](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alcimines/gifts), [Neil Gaiman](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Neil+Gaiman).

This somewhat ties into the Sandman series of graphic novels written by Neil Gaiman in that Gaiman had a very interesting censorship quote about DC Comics. The below content is taken from www cbr com/comic-book-urban-legends-revealed-145.

**BEGIN EXTRACT**

_"The only word that got censored was 'masturbate,'"_ Gaiman says. _"It was explained to me that people do not masturbate in the DC Universe. Actually, that explains a lot. That's probably why the characters all dress in tight costumes and go around thumping the shit out of each other."_

Keep in mind that the editor most likely only meant that you can't SAY "masturbate" in comics. I'd also imagine that things have changed since the late 80s/early 90s, and such a position is likely no longer the case at DC, but it is amusing to note that, for a time, apparently it was the case.

**END EXTRACT**

I guess that makes it the M word (grin). So… this story is dedicated to Neil Gailman and Alcimines (as Alcimines is the master of the naughty and serves as inspiration). Plus a few items were swiped from the online comic Waiting for the trade (a comic about comics) which is on Tumblr.

This story takes place after Girl’s Night Out II.

**Part 1: Where our soon to be voyagers discuss the unfairness of life**

Marvel comics were everywhere, even a few on the bed. Dozens upon dozens were strewn all over the bedroom/living room that Ivy and Harley called home. Boxes of vintage comics were haphazardly scattered across all horizontal surfaces. X-Men, Avengers, New Mutants, Hulk, Spider Man, Fantastic Four…

Pammy (Pamila Isley, know as Poison Ivy, and now reformed villain) was currently finishing up painting Harley’s toenails, which took much more time then it took Harley to paint Pammy’s toenails due to the complexity that Harley liked. Harley had her left little toenail painted pink, the others alternating red, white, blue while the right little toe was currently blank as Pammy looked for inspiration. Both were dressed in just panties and bras.

And what was Harley doing you ask? She was busily scribbling in an X-Man comic with a black marker, more specifically she was drawing a big circle around Emma Frost’s cleavage and some arrows pointing at the cleavage; in case you missed it. Which would mean, assuming you actually missed the cleavage, that you must be blind and don’t read comics (we’re talking Emma Frost after all, it’s not possible to miss that much cleavage even if you’re gay) while expounding on what she was drawing circles around.

_“Talk about yabbos! If she put these bazookas in a bullet bra she’d be able to take down King Kong! I mean… just look at those funbags! Talk about having an amusement park!”_

Harley then grabbed a Fantastic Four comic. _“Just look at Stretchy here! Now his wifie is dull, and flame boy is a total boor apart from really know how to use his dick based upon the number of girl friends, and more then a few are aliens, but don’t get me started about the Thing. Now, no wonder Stretchy’s called Mr. Fantastic, that’s a name that makes a girl a promise! Man they have better names, I mean… Aquaman vs. Mr. Fantastic? No real choice there based on the name.”_

And yes dear reader, suffice it to say Harley and Pammy, swing both ways.

Then another comic was grabbed, this one showing Wolverine taking on a whole gang of ninjas. _“Now this fella called Wolverine is supposedly the best at what he does and what he does isn’t very nice. But all I can see is that he’s the best at is getting cut up.”_

Pammy pointed out that… _“It’s to demonstrate his healing ability Harley. Anybody with a healing ability has to be hurt all the time to demonstrate the power.”_

_“I can see that, just like the telepaths are always touching their head to focus their brainwaves so they get better reception. Like putting your car keys under your chin to lock or unlock your car a greater range.”_

_“Um…. Yeah.”_

_“Well… based upon the number of gals he’s got, I think he’s the best at what he does, and what he does is doing the nasty.”_

_“So… anything after all of this… research?”_ Inquired Pammy as she humored Harley on her new obsession.

_“Nope… zulch, the big nadda. One divided by zero and carry the two. Illy does nothing! Completely asexual. While it appears every other X-Person is jumping into bed with a new partner every third issue… Apart from that Logan guy who apparently sleeps with almost every female. However, I did pick up the implied sexual tension between him and this Scott fellow which they totally deny by being so publicly hostile to each other but this gal is no dummy and can read between the lines; I mean it’s obvious Scotty has a thing for short hairy guys who say ‘Bub’ and Wolvie just has to have a secret fetish involving authoritarian boy scout motif. After all… what’s left for two massively alpha males to do after all the fighting? They even have a love triangle with this red head chick who is so ‘I’m Scott’s girlfriend’ and yet keeps checking out the grass on the other side of the fence as it were, grass as in ass that is; oh, and she hangs out with this black gal who apparently has half of the of universe trying to marry her like… every fifth issue, but I think it’s a friends with benefits thing going on between the two of them if you ask me.”_

Pammy did have to agree that the comic Jean and Ororo interactions looked suspicious, but she wasn’t sure about Harley’s Scott and Logan interpretation; that rather reminded her about a movie review of Top Gear where the critic felt the subplot of the movie was the main character’s secret struggle with his attraction to males (and Pammy was so not buying that). Hmmm, maybe if they had both gotten blackout drunk and had woken up in bed together… that… would explain a great deal of the constant hostility shown in the comic. Pamny had pointed was that alternate reality limited series where Illyana hooked up with Lea of Hel, but Harley discounted alternate realities and so it didn’t count.

Harley had been extra astonished at one of the X-Men’s reoccurring villains as she grabbed other comic to show Pammy._ “Just look at this… the Hell Fire Club are villains for the X-Men!? And all the woman are dressed in corsets and panties and fetish gear? I mean… come on! Since when do we ever get to fight sex club villains? Reoccurring sex club villains?! I can just see the dialog now, ‘Oh no, the lesbian dominatrix orgy association has struck again… what ever shall we do to stop their villainous rampage?”_

Pammy tossed aside the comic she’d tried to read, the one issue of Inhumans that Harley had bought. _“My guess would be to invite them to Amazon island. Their just comics Har. And not very good ones if this is any indication. Gee, a main character who never speaks, how… dull. And his wife appears to be a complete bitch, as is her sister, and all the other characters, even the male ones, are self obsessed to a disturbing level. You know something’s wrong when the dog is the most sympathetic character in a story.”_

Harley was regretting that particular purchase._ “Inhumans suck, and not in the good way.”_ Then a return to her complaining, but a different one this time. “_And is Catty willing to share that piece of prime rib billionaire beefcake of hers? **NO!** And we can’t even say the M word whereas the Marvel Gals and Guys are having actual orgies!”_

_Pammy pointed out…“You know why we can’t say the M word Har. Ever since Captain party pooper cursed the universe because he thought it was wrong to do… the M word.”_

Harley nodded her head_. “At least part of the spell’s faded, I mean… for a while there you couldn’t even touch yourself with impure motives, and I think several massage water head makers went out of business. I think some of the do gooders still can’t do the deed by taking things in hand as it were.” _Then Harley got a contemplative look. _ “Hmmm, that might… explain… a few things now that I think about it. If you can’t beat it then… well… beat them?”_

Pammy had a wicked tone in her voice as she asked._ “Any guesses as to who?”_

They both grinned as they answered at the same time._ “Wonder Woman!”_

Harley grabbed the TV remote and used it as a microphone as she spontaneously sang the lyrics to the TV show Wonder Woman while dancing about the room.

_Wonder Woman, Wonder Woman._

_All the world's waiting for you,_

_and the power you possess._

_In your satin tights,_

_Fighting for your rights_

_And the old Red, White and Blue._

_Wonder Woman, Wonder Woman._

_Now the world is ready for you,_

_and the wonders you can do._

_Make a hawk a dove,_

_Stop a war with love,_

_Make a liar tell the truth._

_Wonder Woman,_

_Get us out from under, Wonder Woman._

_All our hopes are pinned upon you._

_And the magic that you do._

_Stop a bullet cold,_

_Make the Axis fold,_

_Change their minds, _

_and change the world._

_Wonder Woman, Wonder Woman._

_You're a wonder, Wonder Woman!_

When she was done she took a bow to Pammy’s clapping as Pammy exclaimed. _“Where the heck did that come from?”_

_“Just popped into my head… I suddenly had this weird thought, what if Wonder Woman was a TV show, and those cheesy lyrics popped right out.”_

Pammy shook her head at the some of the lines._ “Satin tights? Somehow I don’t think a Super Man TV show would have lyrics about what he’s wearing. I can picture her making yet another complaint about Man’s world, which really get’s old after the first dozen or so times.”_

Which prompted quite a bit of laughter. After they were done laughing Pammy poised a question. _“I’ve always wondered why she dresses in a version of the American flag?”_

Harley’s answer was appropriate for Harley, meaning it came from way out in left field._ “Well, the actual Amazon flag is a labia kicking a man in the nards, I think that would kind of send the wrong message; although… would be correct as to what she actually does.”_

_“It is not!”_

A chuckle from Harley. _“Well… it should be.”_

Harley then returned to her prior complaints. _“I mean… just look at all of these comics. If we were in the Marvel universe, we’d be over our heads in beefcake and cheesecake; and top grade at that. Not to mention the whole villains and heroes with benefits action that they have going on. For example, that chrome dome telepath dude and that magnet guy… talk about having an ongoing gay affair with your arch nemesis. And that’s just one example!”_

Harley started pulling comics from a special stack._ “Look at this guy called the Black Panther. He was apparently married to the X-Woman Storm, the one half of the universe is trying to marry. Just look at this!’_

Harley turned to a rather explicit panel in the comic. In it we see a giant mass of pillows with men and woman laying about. All the woman are dressed in flowing robes whereas the men are dressed either in togas or loin cloths. We see Gambit embracing Rouge from behind. Peter is sprawled upon Kitty. Storm is being fed grapes from another female while Logan relaxes in the background appearing very content. Storm is looking right at the reader as she says… _“Oh, T’Challa! Welcome!” _The next panel shows The Black Panther pulling of his face mask, so as to show his shocked expression, as he states._ “Welcome? What are you talking about? What is this?” _Storm replies._ “We’re the X-Men Darling. Did you think all of those powers were just for beating up bad guys?”_

Harley states with glee. _“Actual prelude to an orgy! Bacchus style!”_

Pammy grabs the comic from Harley and leafs through it before stating._ “That appears to represent his fear, not actual actions in the comics.”_

Harley was not having any of that._ “Fearshy smearshy, that phobia came from somewhere. Every one of those hookups is canon, oh and Logan was apparently totally doing Storm. Face it, the X-Men are a bunch of players!”_

Another example was given._ “Check out this gal called the Scarlet Witch. Like… every third storyline she’s getting possessed, or going nuts and either killing off one or more Avengers, or destroying reality, or de-powering the mutants, or other weird stuff. And yet she’s still an Avenger, which I think is all due to sex_.”

Harley then shows a comic where the Scarlet witch is possessed in that she goes evil (yet again), and the comic panel strongly implies that she commits an oral sex act upon Wonder Man. _“I mean… it’s not like she’s polishing his shoes here, more like his knob. No wonder they keep her around if that’s any indication of what she’s up to, although I suppose it could be just hand job. You’d think she gets a free subway sandwich every third possession or so.” _Author’s note, West Coast Avengers Issue 56, and yikes!

Pammy was only somewhat sarcastic after looking over that issue in question._ “In her defense she might have been just tying his shoelaces together.”_

_“Really?”_

_“Naa, just pulling your chain Har… but it sadly does make a kind of sense as to why on earth would you keep such a menace arround if the team was mostly… male. Kind of makes me wonder about some female members of the JLA.”_

_“Yeah, likely great for team moral. Oh no! Wanda’s possessed again! Me first! Although really, that idea just might make some of her supposed evil episodes suspect, likely she just wanted to get her freak on.”_

Then Harley grabbed a guide to the heroes of Earth (her earth). _“Look, on our earth the heroes are all over, only a few in New York, and most of the guys and gals all wear full body costumes. Tight yes, revealing, yes, but mostly full body. Whereas the Marvel universe apparently has most of the heroes in New York, guess that makes hooking up easier.”_

Pammy was a tad sarcastic_. “And I suppose punching another hero if there is a dearth of foes as I see they do a great deal of that as well.”_

Harley starts grabbing more comics from the special stack._ “Yeah they do that a whole bunch, guess fiction reflects reality. Anyway, lots of dem appear to have full body suits as well, but check this out.” _As Harley shows Pammy the character Tigra (Greer Grant Nelson) she’s a tiger girl, tail and all. And… she wears a very itty bitty tinny tiny black bikini.

Harley was direct in her assessment. _“B cup, definite furry. Who wouldn’t want to scratch that pussy and hear her purr.”_

Then Hercules was shown._ “Chest hair, bi kind of guy, and loves to have everybody handle his mace.”_

Then it was time for the Hulk. _“Nerd with rage issues, plus a weird purple pants fetish, but the guy is mostly nude. Does make you wonder just how tight the pants are, maybe if he wore something a little less tight in the crotch he’d be less angry.”_

Pammy observed._ “I think the one thing that does not grow in proportion is his dick. Otherwise we’d be talking about ten pounds of man meat.”_

A comment that have Harley a giggling fit before she continued by showing the She-Hulk._ “Now that’s a big gal and apparently a fun one as well based upon all the action she gets. And she appears to like them big based upon her hookup history. Shame that the Hulk is her cousin or I’d totally bet on a hookup.”_

Pammy let on that she’d done a bit more research then she was admitting to_. ”I think that would be restricted to the Ultimates deerie.”_

Hawkeye got mixed reviews._ “Nice ass and form, but… arrows? What is it with arrows and supers?”_

Giant man was somewhat dismissed by Pammy_. “Notice how many times he is shown in giant form when there is no reason for it.”_

_“Likely a dong thing.” _Replied Harley. _“Look who he hangs out with, Thor, Capt America, Hercules, Iron Man… I mean, likely the fella is feeling inadequate and compensating for something.”_

Black Widow was then shown._ “Scank.” _Was the conclusion from both. Followed by Storm.

_“She’s mostly hetro, but heavy implied bi tendencies.”_ Observed Harley.

_“She was created and written by Claremont.”_ Commented Pammy. _“Every female he writes is implied bi. I mean… that graphic novel X-Woman didn’t leave much to the imagination, story wise or the art.” _Author’s note: Yeah… loved it.

Then it was Nemor’s turn as Harley observed. “_We get a king of Atlantis that is fully clothed. They get an almost nude king of Atlantis, or Abslantis if you look at his muscles which are on total display. I mean… wow. Just more examples of Marvel nudity and this gal approves.”_

The Savage land was then explained by Harley._ “Apparently if you crash an aircraft, you end up in this place called the Savage Land which is way down in Antarctica yet is all warm and sunny do to some alien shanigans, plus they have dinosaurs because why not. Which is kind of weird because… I mean… it’s not like folks are flying by Antarctica all the time. And you end up meeting this Tarzan like dude and his wife who’s hobby must be waiting for the crashes, their not really swingers, but the other tribes are! And for some reason your clothing falls off when you get there because it’s a jungle and you’re only allowed wear rags to help demonstrate how primitive it is.”_

The Black Cat was shown to hisses from both._ “Catty copycat.” _Was Harleys complaint while Pammy did have to agree that there was only room for one cat themed thief in the multiverse. Black Cat was in for a hard time if the two of them ever caught her (first we shave her bald and then we…)

The X-Man Angel was ogled for a bit. Pammy summed him up quite well. _“Pretty boy but… what is he good for other then being sexy?”_

Harley pointed out that… _“He can fly with those wings.”_

_“So he’s a shotgun target? I mean… he’s rather large and hard to miss with a good scatter pattern. Rather lame in that all he does is fly around and look pretty.”_

Harley thought upon Pammy’s response_. “Good point. But he’s also a billionaire and we all know money is a super power.”_

_“Just how many of these heroes are billionaires?”_

_“Maybe… one in eight, I figure if you’re a god then that counts as well. Hmm, I wonder if that’s reflected in the real world… you know… secret identities and all.” _Then Harley got a surprised expression_. “OMG, I know who Superman must really be! It makes complete sense now!”_

_“Who?”_

_“Warren Buffet! The money guy from Okalahoma! Sups always has that Midwest feel to him and who would ever suspect Buffet?”_

_“He’s old Har.”_

_“Even better disguise!”_

Pammy let that go for now but… did conceded that Harley might be on to something in general involving the ultra rich, secret identities and odd hobbies.

Then Captain America was shown, and both agreed that his body, and ass, were a contender for Nightwing’s crown. Like… he’s perfect. Pammy commented. _“And Storm is the one everybody is trying to marry? When he’s available?”_

_“And he’s single…”_ Smirked Harley. _“All apple pie and patriotic goodness. Yum yum. I still can’t figure out why the Avengers and the X-Men fight, you’d think they’d all just jump into bed or something. Now that would make a great comic!”_

Comic after comic was tossed about. Cleavage on display, sexy poses, rippling muscles, significant amounts of male and female naked skin, suggestive dialog and… well… some not so suggestive.

_“A freaking raccoon is talking about climbing Mount Gamora as a sexual metaphor! A raccoon is talking dirty for drying out loud! Face it Pammy… we live in a more boring world and all we get is glances at Nightwing’s ass. Why… if this was the Marvel universe that ass would be in novelty shops everywhere that sex toys are sold! Heck… I bet there’d even been a float of it in the Gotham day parade or something. But back to the whole villain with benefits package thing, it’d be like Sups defeating one of Lex’s evil nasty plans one minute; then them doing the nasty the next! Talk about plot complications! Better cover Robin’s eyes or the boy will be scarred for life!”_

Pammy pointed out the obvious._ “Har, you know there will literally be hell to pay if either of us gropes Nighwing’s butt. The Batcan get’s all kind of upset at that.”_

A long sigh from Harley, then… _“I know… butt… it’s so unfair. Something that good should be community butt, not private butt. And everything else as well.”_

A sly tone from Pammy. “_You sound so… enthused about this supposed universe._ _Should I be jealous?”_

_“Not at all Pammy! This isn’t some solo fun, I want to go visit them with you! Imagine all the fun we could have.”_

_“Well… I’m glad you want me to come.”_

_“Pammy, I always want you to come.”_

_“Now who’s doing the suggestive dialog?”_

A smirk from Harley._ “Who said anything about being suggestive.” _As she gave Pammy a slow kiss.

Which resulted in… um… call it some private sexy time, and a shushed comic or two.

Afterwards, Harley jumped off the bed and grabbed to shot glasses for a night cap. She meant to grab the peach snapps, but instead snagged another bottle that somehow just slipped into her hand. The bottle that she’d stashed a shot of chaos liquid back from when they had partied with Illyana and crew. A bottle that for some unknown reason now look just like the peach snapps bottle. There was just enough content to fill the two shot glasses.

Pammy proposed a toast_. “To what dreams may come.” _They clinked glasses and downed the contents. Then Pammy grabbed the red and black nail polish. She colored Harleys remaining unfinished nail red, blew on it to dry, and then painted a black X.

With that it was bedtime. Pammy drifted off first, then Harley still bemoaning to herself the unfairness of it all as she drifted off. _“No fair… Wish… wish… wish we could play with them… I mean… really… Mr. Fantastic? Wonder Man? The White Queen? Iron Man…” _Then the beginning of a soft snore.

Silence but for the soft breaths of the sleeping duo. Then Harley’s Iphone lit up like it was a disco light display. Strobes of multi colored light splashed across the room as the Beatle’s Magical Mystery Tour began to play.

_Roll up roll up for the Mystery Tour_

_Roll up roll up for the Mystery Tour_

_Roll up_

_That's an invitation_

_Roll up for the Mystery Tour_

_Roll up_

_To make a reservation_

_Roll up for the Mystery Tour_

_The Magical Mystery Tour_

_Is waiting to take you away_

_Waiting to take you away_

_…_

_…_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsk tsk… such a naughty story, oh well, suffice it to say that I find it a guilty pleasure to write. Thanks to LordGrise for suggesting… well… you’ll see; but the impacts should be deliciously fun.

**Part 2: The bar with no doors **

Darkness… and then a glimmer of light and sound. Then a great deal more light and sound as a blast of music shook Harley and Pamela’s bodies. Each started awake, only to find that that they were standing in a crowd of people.

Dancing people.

Dancing weird people as all of them were dressed extravagantly, or oddly, or barely dressed at all.

_Anto took me down to Whistler's place_

_It was like a scene from a dream_

_Tarantulas, drapes, magic mushroom cakes_

_Sharks hanging from the beams_

_…_

_…_

A shark swam by, yes it was swimming in the air, with a tray of drinks balanced on the top of its head; looked like a small great white but Harley wasn’t sure. And trays of little cakes and pastries were also floating by.

The two women spun around, which allowed them to notice each other. Pamela was dressed in her usual poison Ivy costume of green leaves that did not leave much to the imagination; it did accent her red hair quite well. Harley was dressed pair of red and blue micro short shorts (she was commando for those want to know), a white tee-shirt that had a few tears, fishnet stockings, high heel tennis shoes, and a red and blue jacket that matched her micro shorts, plus a baseball bat to complete the ensemble (the perfect collection for a night on the town, and yes… just like the movie Suicide Squad).

_…_

_Dave Ruffian was there with a sad-eyed girl_

_And the son of Ringo Starr_

_It was a night like any other, man_

_At the Hammerhead, the Hammerhead, the Hammerhead Bar_

_…_

The music was coming from a small stage where a band was playing (The Waterboys for those who want to know and the song was Hammerhead bar). Song by Mike Scott, full time rocker, part-time wizard.

_“Excuses us love.”_ Said an English fellow who was the splitting image of Ringo Starr, as he passed by with drinks in both hands.

_“What the hell is going on Harley?”_ Stated Pamela as she went back to back with Harley in a defensive posture.

_…_

_Four beer-bellied roadies from Uriah Heep_

_Were comparing stomach tattoos_

_Two had Satan, one had Tam Paton_

_One had a belt-shaped bruise_

_…_

Harvey was wide eyed looking at the four enormous men comparing stomach tattoos. _“No idea Red!”_

_.._

_In a spotlit corner a famous DJ_

_Was showing a starlet his scars_

_Yeah it was all for one and one for all_

_At the Hammerhead, the Hammerhead, at the Hammerhead Bar_

_…_

_“Harley… checkout Elvis.” _Whispered Pamela as she tried to point with her eyes without looking like she was pointing.

Harley snuck a quick glance behind her. By gosh, by golly, now that was a great Elvis costume, apart from the red cloak… Red cloak? Wait a second, Elvis looked like…

Harvey blurted out. _“That’s Dr. Strange! The fella from the comics!” _Who incidentally was dancing with a Purple headed woman had on one of those postage stamp sized bikinis.

_…_

_Three groupies were gargling umbrella drinks_

_Under the eye of the Ox_

_The first said to the second about the third_

_"She's as square as a fucking box"_

_…_

Harley glanced back, off in the corner there was an enormous ox headed man dancing with three gals, and yes, the third gal’s head was rather box shaped.

_…_

_Viv Stanshall turned up on cue_

_With a pickled skull in a jar_

_There was always something intriguing to do_

_At the Hammerhead, the Hammerhead, at the Hammerhead Bar_

_…_

_“You’re new.” _Inquired a sudden voice to the side of them, which just caused the both of them to stare at the head in the floating jar. It was an older man (he’s Chondu the Mystic, bartender at the Bar with no doors).

History was made as both Harley and Ivy had nothing to say, Harley almost took a swing with her bat but managed to restrained herself.

_“I said you’re new, never seen you before, who’s guest are you?” _Inquired the head as a small radar like dish unpacked from the base of the jar and made some beeping noises at them. _“Hmm, magic… and rather chaotic at that… Well you qualify for the club so, what would you like to drink?”_

_“Drink?” _Stated both Pamela and Harley.

_“Why else would you be here? Biggest Halloween party the Bar with no doors has ever hosted. Man that treaty is good for business. Hopefully we can make it a tradition.”_

_“Um… a Tom Collins?” _Answered Pamela. Note: two ounces gin, 3/4 ounce of lemon juice, two ounces club soda, one lemon wedge; mix with ice and serve cold.

_“One Tom Collins.”_ Stated the head in a jar, which then addressed Harley. _“And you missy?”_

_…_

_The local MP, a Tory grandee_

_Sir Bufton Fairbairn-Smart_

_Who dressed like a cross between Robert The Bruce_

_And Napoleon Bonaparte_

_Was busy murdering Billy Joel's_

_"Just The Way You Are"_

_It was business as usual, sunny boys_

_At the Hammerhead, the Hammerhead, at the Hammerhead Bar_

_…_

Harley was watching an giant octopus dancing with what looked like six sailor moon dressed ladies who were all twerking against him, and that was far from the strangest thing, or things, dancing.

_“Missy?”_

Harley decided to just go with it. _“I’ll have a Screaming Orgasm.” _Note: 1 shot Vodka, one shot Coffee Liqueur, one shot Amaretto, one shot Irish cream liqueur, one shot cream, one shot milk; shake all ingredients with ice and serve in a glass with ice and garnish with a dust of chocolate powder.

There was a cry of female pleasure from the somewhere in the crowd, which just motivated Harley to get extra naughty. _“Make it a double and keep them coming!”_

The floating head was unimpressed as he had heard most of the jokes related to the name of that drink. _“Yeah, yeah, yeah, you and half the women here.” _Of course this was the Bar with no doors and the drinks were very good, and sometimes… correct per their name (which was why the Screaming Orgasm drink was so popular that night with the ladies).

_…_

_On the stroke of midnight Whistler said_

_"Let us now toast the deceased!"_

_And he sank his snout in a stained-glass keg_

_Of alcohol and yeast_

_Nine Lithuanian dancing girls_

_Each sucking a fat cigar_

_Jitterbugged along the beer-strewn top_

_Of the Hammerhead, the Hammerhead, of the Hammerhead Bar_

_…_

That’s when Harley turned and started dancing the Jitterbug in front of Pamela._ “Come on Red… Let’s dance!”_

Pamela, being (usually) the more rational of the two voiced her concerns._ “Har… we don’t’ know where we are or how we got here, not to mention not having any money.”_

_“Pfff…” _Was Harley’s reply._ “Two gals like us in a joint like this paying for our own drinks? Even if this was an all guy gay bar, that aren’t happening.” _Likely because the guys would be all ga-ga over what they were wearing rather then their actual persons.

Pamela did have to admit that Harley had a point. Oh… what the hell… When in Rome and all that stuff. With that Pamela likewise began to dance the Jitterbug with Harley.

_…_

_Those days are gone, those dancing days_

_Of bacchanal, of drink_

_Whistler sleeps with mermaids_

_Groupies are extinct_

_The famous DJ is doing time_

_For acts lewd and bizarre_

_And only dust remains, boys,_

_Of the Hammerhead, the Hammerhead, the Hammerhead Bar_

_Of the Hammerhead Bar_

_Of the Hammerhead Bar_

** _Of the Hammerhead Bar!_ **

With the ending of the song a roguish young man, dancing by himself, made an appearance. He was tall, thin, dark haired, dressed in brown and green leathers with knee high black boots, and was wearing a golden helm with two little horns. _“I have heard the tale of your tragic plight, might I assist the two of you in the question of your libations?”_


End file.
